The Five Tasks: #1, Your Health
If you are not standing in well-being, stand up
The first task of the Five Tasks for Standing in WithStanding, is taking care of our health – physical, mental, and emotional. We do this because it’s WithStanding, even though we don’t know what that means yet. We take care of ourselves so that we have standing in our own minds (or in our own Receiving Area, if you’d like to look that up.) so we recognize we have standing in our nature, and because we need strength.
We go to the dentist
We go to counseling
We rest, exercise, and eat healthily
We take supplements, go to yoga classes, and engage in other healing modalities.
We say no when someone asks us to take them to the store for the 3rd time this week.
We have treats from time to time
And even if our budget is very tight, we find ways to get together with friendly people
We hold back from taking actions for self-care because we think people won’t notice or won’t care, or that we’re asking too much, or we don’t deserve the care. Instead, when we approach the First Task, we notice where resistance is. Maybe I exercise every day because staying thin is a good thing. (Notice I didn’t say healthy; there’s some approval I’m seeking, even if I think it’s my own.) But I won’t go to the dentist, won’t spend the money on myself, not even the co-pay if I have insurance. Maybe I can see going to the dentist is right and necessary for everybody else, but somehow not for me. I’m different; somehow I just shouldn’t go. There’s some risk in it, so I’m deciding to put it off. I feel guilty just thinking about making an appointment. And the longer I put it off, the more shame piles on top of guilt. I can see it’s illogical, but it’s true nonetheless. I’m tied up in a knot with no way to untie myself.
When something is not logical, it’s not logical, and throwing more logic at it won’t help. We need help with untying a knot we can’t untie ourselves. This resistance to our own well-being, to easing our discomfort, is telling us there is a rule that’s holding us back from taking action we know is sane and needed. When it comes to health, a rule that holds us back is saying we don’t deserve regard. Whatever progress we make for our wellness is not sustainable because we don’t have regard for ourselves.
Regarding ourselves is the pathway to the changes we wish for - the enhanced career, loving marriage, wisdom in parenting, conflict removal. Money - the thing we’ve been taught we need first - is a byproduct of these other structures in our lives. Our best health is strength to seek the changes we want with some energy left over: healing in all its aspects, gaining clarity, speaking up and taking action on what we need (which may make other people angry. We’ll need strength and energy if that happens.).
We use our mouths to speak up to tell others what we need, what we see, and how we are feeling. If that is hard, we start with brushing our teeth. We want to smile without embarrassment. We want to be accepted. If we are resistant, we notice that a rope is holding us back - a rope with rules in it that says, “You are undeserving of regarding, of having or using your mouth to ask for your needs to be met, or to take care of yourself.” Just brush your teeth. This will get easier.
If we know our life isn’t working well, and we sense we need help, we go to a therapist. We want privacy while we work on thinking about changing. We want someone safe to see and hear us. We share what’s happening in our lives. We break the rules of keeping secrets. The therapist leads us to clarity and encourages us to use our strengths - to change, in other words: to be our full selves, the very being-ness that the rules are holding us back from.
Your health and healing come first in the list of tasks we need to work on. When I am working with someone in career transition, and they tell me they are seeing a counselor, I tell them if the counselor and I disagree, or if we are suggesting things you can’t do all at once, do what the counselor says first. Tell them what you are seeing. Then tell me what you need to see. And take naps when you need them.
When we do yoga, or receive deep tissue massage, or do something physically exhausting, feelings, memories with hindsight or understanding, or and ideas with clarity might pop out of our tissues, or into our minds. This will impact your Receiving Area. Take a moment to look at the insights as though you are holding them out in your hand, a bit away from yourself where you can see them clearly. It’s like they’re on stretchy elastic now. They are loosening their grip on you.
As we replace rules with seeing from all of our healthy practices, we are able to sense our own internal guidance more and more. We can respond better to what is happening now. We have strength for our next steps.
Star Mending Exercise
You are like a shining star. If someone said you are not worth regarding, there may be a hole where your energy is leaking out. You need to mend your holes. Here is an easy way to stop the leak: Draw yourself as a star, then draw a hole where the leak is. Your memory will help. Remember the message and then erase the message. When you do this, you’ll likely have new admonishments show up. Draw another hole and erase that one, too. Keep going until you can call the doctor, spruce up your apartment, or get together with a friend easily. It may take some days. Don’t worry. You’re already changing.